Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Unsung Heroes of the Civil War

Col. Samuel “Personkiller” Garvey

There were approximately 12,000 Union casualties in the Battle of Fredricksburg. Garvey was responsible for 10,000 alone. Born in 1830, he somehow managed to enlist in the British Expeditionary Force at the beginning of World War I, and died in a trench at the Battle of the Somme, his hands clenched around the neck of a dead German soldier.

Maj. Alfie McClellan

Brother of one time Union Army general-in-chief Gen. George McClellan, this notorious drunk showed up for three distinct battles* naked except for his cavalry saber. A hero of the Battle of Antietam, he somehow managed to take fifty Confederate troops prisoner when his bottom half was fired into their front lines as he tried to sodomize a cannon.

Lt. Col. Walter Featherhoof

An unremarkable soldier, Featherhoof is notable for being the only unicorn to fight on either side of the Civil War.

*First Bull Run, Pea Ridge, Antietam

No comments:

Post a Comment