1. For a first date, take her to a go-kart course that you are familiar with. That way you can win or lose to her, based on what will get you “laid.”
2. If you're nervous about asking someone out on a date, try practicing on your friends, “Palmela” and her “Five Sisters”. Also, masturbate furiously.
3. When you're out on a date with a woman, be sure to—wait, you're on a date with a woman? But you're only a boy!
4. Girls respond well to pleasant conversation, the giving of gifts, and ventriloquism.
5. Some quick grooming tips: before a date, be sure to shower, shave, and floss until your mouth is full of blood.
6. Just remember that no one loves you as much as I do. No woman can replace your 7th grade math teacher.
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