Saddest Clown Names

-D.T. O'Shakes
-Syphillito the Harlequin

-Wheels!
-Die Tsauberclaun und KRAMPUS Überclaun
-Xeno & His Amazing Arrow

-Grover Cleveland
-The Great Respecto
-Sobs
-Ed Begley, Jr.

Sorry for not having a post up for so long! We were drunk! -joe

METALIST: 25 Things About Your Editors

1. We started writing these lists together completely by accident. Does that show?
2. The Gooch and Joe are not related, we don't even look similar.
3. The Gooch's sister once dresssed as a Klingon. She appeared on the front cover of the weekend section of the local paper. Ahhhh, modern minstrelsy.
4. Joe is a better improvisor than the Gooch, but the Gooch is funnier. How does that work?
5. One of us only speaks in lies, the other only tells the truth. How do you find out which door to go through, hmmmmmmmmm?
6. Each of us secretly thinks he's nerdier than the other. (Goochnote: Joe thought he could slip the Labyrinth reference in #5 by the Goochster. Wrong again, Joseph)
7. Only the Gooch is capable of sustaining a long-term relationship. Hey ladies!
8. Joe likes the word 'squat thrust,' The Gooch likes the word 'Lysine Inhibitor'.
9. They are both aware that those are not a single word. WORK WITH US PEOPLE.
10. Joe's secret shame? He's really a jock in dork's clothing.
11. The Gooch's secret shame is that he has no secret shame.
12. The Gooch once thought Joe was a little creepy for having a Pop Warner football team on his desktop. He did not know the team was entirely made up of member's of Joe's immediate family.
13. Joe likes to hint obliquely about his sexual conquests. The Gooch just vomits it all out there.
14. The Gooch says, "I've never actually had a sexual conquest, but I've gone down on a bunch of girls."
15. Joe works in politics, The Gooch is politics
16. We're both professional writers! If you define "professional" as "amateur."
17. The Gooch has been paid to draw dragons. Joe exploits the creative classes in his spare time.
18. Joe hopes to exploit the Gooch soon. Much like I've exploited women in the bedroom. See? oblique!
19. Joe grew up in South Carolina. The Gooch grew up in Miami, which is really the South Carolina of Jacksonville.
20. Joe sleeps on an air mattress. The Gooch sleeps on a mattress made of air, which is way different.
21. Both the Gooch and Joe agree that, dollar-for-dollar, the PS2 is the best system on the market today.
22. Both The Gooch and Joe have a "con budget" for any given year. It has nothing to do with crime, and everything to do with Spock ears and funny dice.
23. Joe drinks brown liquor. The Gooch can't even eat A SEED. Jesus!
24. Speaking of Jesus, the Gooch will never, ever wish you a Merry Christmas.
25. BECAUSE THE GOOCH IS A BITTER JEW

Cushiest Government Jobs

Secretary of Edu-tainment

Amb-ASS-ador to Porntonia

Vice-Presidential Food Taster

Secretary of Top Hats

White House Philosopher

Congressional Falconer

Sen. John Cornyn's Font-chooser

Undersecretary for the President's Office of Television Drama Summarization

Congressional Blog Troll

Palin Tranquilizer

Chester A. Arthur's Ghost

As per usual, "The Gooch" was instrumental in building this list.- joe

META: Humor Blog Link-Love

My boy and co-worker Conky has a new humor blog!

I mean, really, it's a "Tumblr," which is so much more and so much less than a blog could ever be.